inconsistency

I'm back home for spring break but my mom and I fought again during the evening time about an hour ago. It's so frustrating because I feel as if we've come so far from our hellish days during HS and MS, but days where our relationship regress just really sadden me because I'm all about seeing progress and moving forward and really haaate when social things (like relationships) build up to a point to where they affect other things in life (thinking, school, friends, etc). I feel like I'm the only one in this relationship who wants to improve our relationship, but that is probably because I am more negatively impacted by it that she is. I rarely come home, so for us to fight just really disrupts the flow and positivity and motivation and purpose of things that I have to get done. I'm SO envious of those people who can turn to their home to be restored, refueled, rejuvenated, nourished, and built-up rather than being crushed, hurt, discouraged, and torn down. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for (lol I even had a post, "blessings and growing pains", saved as a draft that didn't even get a chance to be posted- see I try), which is why I don't like to pour out my feelings to others anymore because I feel like I burden them, but sometimes, I don't know why basic, rudimentary things like relationship with family members have to be so dysfunctional and damaging to an individual. I know that I myself have been inconsistent in a lot of things in my life but I am constantly actively trying to improve myself and build others up (often at the cost of sacrificing my own face). I don't know..but I really just hate coming home. And what's worse is that I don't really have a group of friends I can turn to talk about this to and to do things with to take my mind off of this. Oh well, another decade of sucking things up I suppose..